Signs (or The Scenic Route to Love)
by SpikesPet
Summary: A S/B songfic based on the song Outside by Staind; Please R


Title: Signs (or The Scenic Route to Love)  
  
Author: SpikesPet  
  
Chapter: 1/1  
  
Rating: R  
  
E-mail: spikes_pet@ameritech.net  
  
Disclaimers: You know the drill…don't own it, not making any money off it.  
  
Distribution: Sure, just let me know.  
  
Author's note: Thanks to my faithful betas: Mezzibelle & Wisconsin Square  
  
Author's note2: This one is for Mezz…without you're support and never-ending   
patience this would have ended up in my recycling bin.  
  
*************************************************************  
  
I push my way past the hoards of hormone-ridden teens into The Bronze and begin my   
nightly ritual. It's not that I wanted to be here; I had more than enough stock at the crypt   
to get me pissed. Part of me wanted to stay home, catch up on the telly instead. But, I   
can't stay away…no matter how hard I try. Just the chance to see her draws me every   
bleeding night...even if she won't speak to me.   
  
I grab a beer at the bar and saunter over to the steps leading to the catwalk. Not wanting   
to draw attention to myself or spill my beer, I take my time going up. I go to the same   
place every night. I guess I'm a bit attached to it, probably because of the   
memories…Buffy and I, not so long ago. Best not to relive that particular memory   
now…maybe later, when I get home.   
  
Once in my usual spot among the shadows, I scan the crowd in search of her. Not on the   
dance floor…though I haven't seen her there in ages. It's sad really, I used to love to   
watch her…the way her hips swayed…those were happier times.   
  
So many people here tonight…maybe I won't find her. Maybe she won't show. I pull   
out a fag to quell the nerves. No, she'll show. She has every night since that tosser,   
Riley, barged in on us. Fuckin' white bread…buggered the whole thing up, he did. I was   
so close…she was almost mine. Really mine, not like before. She was so close to giving   
me her heart as well as her body. But he just had to charge in, uninvited.   
  
I glance at my hands and noticed I've gripped the railing so tight it's bent. I let go and   
looked to see if anyone noticed. Alone. I casually walk to a new spot leaving the   
evidence of my anger behind.   
  
I see a small blonde sitting at the bar with her back to me. Is it…yes, it's her. I can   
almost feel the pain from her slumped form. Why is it that I can see her unhappiness, but   
her so-called friends remain oblivious? Or is the denial just easier for the lot of them?   
Some day I hope to ask them. Doubt I ever will. I can feel the anger bubbling with in   
me. I force it back with to room with the pain of their rejection and thousands of other   
unnecessary feelings. I sharpen my focus to the object of my desire, my love.  
  
Staring at her back, I can see the stress and tension built up in her muscles. If she'd let   
me, I could fix that. Nice massage with some scented oil…maybe sandalwood…no   
maybe a bit of cinnamon oil. Yeah, that might even get her in the mood to…better not   
finish that thought. Add that to my list of things to think about later.  
  
I should go talk to her…or at least try. Maybe I could just bump into her. She'd never go   
for it…start yelling about me stalking and lurking. Best wait, like I always do…wait for   
a sign. Some sign that she's ready to let me love her. Or that she misses me. Some sign   
of hope.  
  
I watch her get up and walk towards the dance floor. She looks like she's searching for   
someone. I wished it were me. Bloody wanker…not me…it'll never be me. Told me   
that, didn't she?   
  
There's no band tonight…just some bloke behind a counter. I watch Buffy talk to him. I   
wonder if she knows him or if she's asking him out. No…I can tell she's not interested   
in him…body language and all that. I still let out a sigh of relief when she walks away.  
  
The music's not too bad tonight—at least it's not that boy band, bubble gum, pop shit.   
Still, it all makes me long for a little God Save the Queen or Anarchy in the UK…now   
that was music.  
  
Bugger! She's coming up here. I dart further into the shadows. She's liable to sense me   
sooner or later. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. Don't wanna end up with   
something pointy and wooden in my chest.  
  
Maybe she is looking for me. I stand motionless watching her come up the steps. She's   
stopped at the railing, running her hand over the part I damaged earlier. Can she tell I'm   
here? Does she care? Is that what she wants?   
  
I realize she is standing in our spot. I wonder if she knows…if she remembers how it felt   
when…never mind. Later…think about it later.  
  
She's holding onto the bent rail, gently swaying in time with the music. She must like   
this song. I've never heard it before so I listen to the words.   
  
"And you  
Bring me to my knees  
Again  
All the times   
That I could beg you please  
In vain  
All the times  
That I felt insecure  
For you  
But I leave   
My burdens at the door"  
  
Not a bad tune. The guy has a very strong voice.   
  
"But I'm on the outside  
And I'm looking in  
I can see through you   
See your true colors  
'Cause inside you're ugly  
You're ugly like me  
I can see through you  
See to the real you"  
  
Sounds familiar. Told her something like that once. Wonder if she remembers…  
  
"All the times  
That I felt like this won't end  
Was for you  
And I taste   
What I could never have  
It's from you  
All the times  
That I've tried  
My intentions  
Full of pride  
But I waste  
More time than anyone"  
  
Exactly…this guy gets it. Did write about me? Wasting time… all I ever do. Maybe I'm   
not the only love's bitch…  
  
"But I'm on the outside  
And I'm looking in   
I can see through you  
See your true colors  
'Cause inside you're ugly  
You're ugly like me  
I can see through you  
See to the real you  
  
All the times  
That I've cried  
All this wasted   
It's all inside  
And I feel  
All this pain  
Stuffed it down  
It's back again  
And I lie  
Here in bed  
All alone  
I can't mend  
But I feel   
Tomorrow will be okay  
  
But I'm on the outside  
And I'm looking in  
I can see through you   
See your true colors  
'Cause inside you're ugly  
You're ugly like me  
I can see through you  
See to the real you"  
  
I feel myself smile as the song ends. I know now. She requested that song. I know why   
she's up here…in our spot. She senses me. I realize this is the sign.  
  
*****************************************************************  
Fin. 


End file.
